Like Glass
by subvintage
Summary: POST SERIES: “That’s all?” She asks. Though some days it’s a harder job than she’d like it to have to be and the same goes for him. A Suzaku and Kallen comfort one shot set after R2


**Author Note: **I should be working on my other stuff but since my computer died along with chapters in progress I figured ended up writing this little nagging plot bunny instead. Short little drabble, but I think it turned out how I wanted it to. Defiantly more fun than doing math!

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**LIKE GLASS**

_If happiness had a form, it may be something like glass. _

_One doesn't notice it normally, but it really is there. _

_You just have to change the way you look at it for the glass to reflect light. _

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He wasn't sure how long it had been anymore. The days themselves just seemed to drag on endlessly and then start over again. Though something had told him he should at least try to talk to her, because rumor had it she hadn't talked to anyone from those times lately. And everyone thought if anyone she'd at least talk to him.

He was skeptical though. The letter itself was written many times crumpled up and thrown in the nearest trash can. No matter how hard he tried the words felt awkward and forced. He might be Zero, but in his gut he knew that wouldn't make her come running. It just wasn't like that anymore.

As more and more worry and speculation began to surround the ace pilot he had just swallowed all the doubt inside of him and dropped the letter in the box. Once it left his hands there was nothing more he could do but wait. Wait and hope she'd show up.

And when that day came he waited in the designated spot leaning against an iron beam in the perpetually under construction Shinjiku area. The man he portrayed may have portrayed himself as a tower of strength, but he felt like he was going to throw up.

Something hit him startling him out of his stupor. The tightly crumpled piece of paper landed at his feet rocking back and forth gently in the breeze. He knelt down slowly and opened it smoothing it out with great care taking a look at its contents. His own careful handwriting staring him back in the face. This was the letter he had sent to Kallen.

The masked face snapped up and looked around instantly falling on a stiff stern looking student staring him down. Her hands were clutched tightly around her school bag while her bright blue eyes were quivering a bit as she swallowed back every emotion rising in her throat.

They just looked at each other neither speaking for what seemed like an eternity. He felt uncomfortable under her pained and angry gaze. His tongue attempted to form words but it felt thick and heavy and he knew he couldn't mirror the speech pattern she was used to hearing from this face. After a long silent stumbling effort he finally managed to say something he thought would be suitable. "I knew you'd come. Q-1."

Inside her something snapped and a spark registered itself across her eyes. "Don't call me that." She said clenching and unclenching a trembling fist. "You're not him."

He knew she wouldn't see it, but the smile inside the mask was bitter and pained. She was right. He should have known better then to attempt to keep up this game around her. "Okay, Kallen." He corrected himself. He wanted to add he was sorry, but something prevented him from doing it. He left it at just her name.

Her shoulders relaxed but she kept that equal distance between them. "That mask," She said slowly trying to keep the crack from rising in her voice. "It doesn't suit you. You're no Zero." She repeated.

A gloved hand came up and touched the front of the mask reminding him it was still there. "No?" He asked phrasing it more in a question than he intended. He didn't feel like Zero either, but it was the name he had been responding to all this time. A hollow chuckle escaped his lips. "I heard at the execution you proclaimed that I was." He paused. "You said that was Zero."

She shook a little pursing her lips together closing her eyes. When Kallen didn't respond he thought he won the little argument. That was until she finally spoke in a low sad voice. It was nearly a whisper but he heard it as clearly as she intended him to. "You're mistaken. I never did say which one was him." Everyone had just assumed she meant the one in the costume. All the while Kallen had kept the true meaning behind her conviction to herself. Just as she asked him to Lelouch had kept up the lie to the very end.

The man just stood there a bit taking in her words and soaking in their meaning. As suspected in those last seconds she pieced their plan together. "Do you hate him?"

Kallen pushed back another lump in her throat. "Yes. No." She just shook her head. She didn't even really know anymore. She did hate him to some extent. She hated him because there were times she got angry with herself for not seeing through this ploy sooner because the same person who fills you with so much hope, who drapes his coat over your shoulders, who asks you to return with him cannot be the same person who shatters you into a million pieces. She hated him for making her hate him.

He took a few steps towards her. He's unsure of what to say to her. He doesn't want to pick the wrong words. He can tell she struggling it may have seemed like forever ago, but it's still fresh. The blood hasn't fully dried yet and this may have been her dream but it was still fragile and a little imperfect. But there's no such thing as perfection. "What good is this world if you're not happy in it?"

She looks up at him again with a sad smile. "I'm happy enough." She said. Did he expect her to bounce back immediately? It just wasn't possible. Eventually smiling gets easier and laughter becomes more common, but he can't expect it all at once from her. "We're alone here, Suzaku, take off that mask. It's just not you."

He freezes. He wants to ask her to say it again. That name that he nearly forgot was his. That name he hasn't heard in such a long time. He looks at her with tired pleading emerald eyes replaying it in his head over and over, because in that instant he felt human again. He gives her a wry smile. "So you knew it was me after all."

"I'm not an idiot." She said still looking at the mask that had moved to his hands. She took a few steps forward closing the gap between them. "It's heavy." She said extending her hand in an effort to take it from him.

He allowed her to. Watching intently the way she just stared at it cradling it in her palms. A soft nostalgic look in her eyes and even though she holds on to it with such easy it feels like the weight of the world rests in it. Suzaku swears he sees tears welling in those blue eyes, but he doesn't say anything about them. Now when he speaks sparks of himself start to shine through again. Without that mask he feels so much lighter. "Do you hate me?" He asked reaching out and placing his hands on the mask brushing over hers.

Kallen isn't too quick to answer. She looks at him and then up to the sky blinking back tears. "No." She hisses out. Because there's no room for hate anymore in this world. It's just too hard and painful for her to do it. "I can't. Not anymore." Her fingers tighten around the mask and a few tears roll off its surface. When she finally looks back at Suzaku she realizes not all of them were hers.

And she chokes back another sob refusing to let herself cry further. Because this is a new world and it shouldn't be sad anymore. Only Kallen finds that she both hates and loves this new era, but there are pictures that remind her every day what's missing.

"Why did you call me here?" She asks trying her hardest to fight back the quiver in her throat the moment had caused.

Suzaku closed his eyes and sat down on the ground. "I don't know." He admitted. "I just wanted to talk to or even see someone who knew. I mean really knew."

She let out a small shaky sigh and sat down behind him leaning a bit against his back. "It's hard." She whispered. He felt her head move against the back of his as she looked up again. "So hard to know the truth and not be able to say anything." Every mocking word Kallen heard in passing. Every angry article she saw about him. Every word that had been recorded in the history books. All of it made her insides churn.

"Do you wish you didn't know?" He asked sensing the bitterness in her voice.

He felt her take in a sharp breath and hold it before she finally let it go. "No." She whispered finally. "I wouldn't have wanted it to end like that."

He offers her a weak smile she can't see. "He'd be mad." He laughs a bit. "If he saw you acting this upset you know?" His hand moves and rests on top of hers. "I have my job now in this world and you have yours."

She doesn't move her hand. She lets him keep hers there. However, she frowns. "What's that?"

"You have to live on." He says a small bitter chuckle. Those same words that seem to weigh so heavily on his heart stop hers for a moment.

Kallen just smiles sadly leaning her head against Suzaku's. She should have figured that would be the answer. "That's all?" She asks. Though some days it's a harder job than she'd like it be and the same goes for Suzaku.

"That's all." He whispers back giving the girl's hand a small squeeze. As the sun sets behind the two of them they sit in silence. And in that moment the perspective is shifted slightly and glass that had always been there started to sparkle even as the last rays of light disappear.


End file.
